The Puke on the Wall: Alternative Suggestions
Blogged by James Preece on 4th November 2008
Ladies and Gentlemen... I present to you... Middlesbrough Cathedral:
Ignore the chairs. This is a photo from just before Bishop Drainey's ordination, he doesn't usually sit directly in front of the altar during mass.
No, I don't like the ugly cross either. Still - at least it's a cross and not once of those weird resurrection statue things where Christ appears to be sort of flying off the wall. Yes, I know that Pope Benedict has upgraded his ugly cross for a much nicer once but Bishop Drainey has been busy and I'm sure he's working on it.
Spot the Tabernacle? Me neither. That's because it's in it's own special chapel. It's the latest thing (if by 'latest thing' you mean 'it was hip in the seventies').
Anyway... what you will have spotted is the awful unspeakably ugly puke dribbling down the wall. Since Pope Benedict has recently got rid of his ugly alien altar. I thought it might be fun to speculate... if Bishop Drainey were to get rid of his ugly puke wall, what might he replace it with?
It shouldn't be too expensive to get a large format print of some decent art and paste it over the top. A Pantocrator might be good. How about this one from Cefalu...
It shouldn't offend anybody because it hasn't got any sort of crucifixion in it. Alternatively, you could go 'Last Judgement'. I like this one from the Duomo in Florence:
Lovely. I particularly like the way it has religion in it.
Of course, if money is a problem, they could always go for the St Joseph's, West Hull look (paint the wall white and stick a cross on it):
In all honesty though, anything would be better than what we have at the moment. Even a picture from the front of a department store in Hull...
That's right, there's more religious symbolism on BHS than on Middlesbrough Cathedral. I reckon you could have someone actually puke on the wall and it would be an improvement. At least then it would be sacred art... what with our our humanity being our divinity and all that.
Don't forget to enjoy my fruity comic strip on the origin of the Middlesbrough Reredos.
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Reader Comments
Teresa said...
Hello James - yes it's me the beady eye is back - never really went away.... anyway the wall at Middlesbrough Cathedral is a representation of paradise into Hades (hell, in case you didn't know...) the serene, peaceful green into the hellish red. There are even some images there if you look closely. Anyway - just thought I'd point that out because I haven't heard the word 'puke' since I was at junior school!! Thought you'd lost your way there for a minute but you obviously must have been joking.....
Mark Dobson said...
I don't think I'm capable of taking as much personal offence at this as James, but I don't really rate it.
I don't see the value of liturgical art that needs to be explained to you before you know what it is. With, say, the Pantokrator, even if you don't have time to explore every detail, a casual glance should make you think "Christ", and I think that's preferable.
The idea of "paradise into Hades" is rather interesting. I'm not sure it makes sense if you translate Hades as hell, but if you take it as Sheol I think it's more coherent - given that paradise and Hades are shown as interpenetrating I mean.
P.S. If I met a Catholic who devoted a large portion of his blog to religion, I'd think it very odd if they didn't know what Hades meant.
James said...
Is it like Hades, shoulders, knees and toes..?
Philip said...
I think these two comments sum it up. If art in a church is so abstract that it has to be explained and that only a few experts would know how to explain it, what is the point? The problem with all these "trendy" 1970s ideas is that they seem designed to turn religion into something elitist. The tabernacle is there for those who go and hunt for it. The art is not for children (nor even for your average grown up - nor for that matter your average PhD in a field unrelated to modern art) but just for those who are "in the know". It could be the green of God's creation merging into the blood of martyrs for all I can tell. Good Christian art is comprehensible to children and profs alike - but at different levels of appreciation.
Teresa said...
Well said Philip - I have no idea whatsoever the artwork is meant to represent at all and just had my wooden spoon out..ha ha!! I don't particularly like it myself but I do find it amusing that James tends to dislike so much about everything!! I did like his imagery of Bhs on the wall though - and they do a mean line in Christmas decorations so there could be a religious theme after all.....!!
Ella said...
Hi Teresa,
I don't think James goes around disliking everything, I think what he dislikes is that fact that when you walk into a church, particularly one as significant as the cathedral and you are say not remotely religious - we as Catholics want to have our message laid out to them on a plate. A tabernacle and crucifix does this very well, you walk in and the thing in the highest place of honour for all the world to see is Christ in the tabernacle and the fact that he died that we might live, or similarly with those Pantocrators it is Christ who is the center, the focal point of everything we do and this message does not come across to our children let alone someone who is curious and I think that is what bothers James the fact that yet again things in the modern church tend not to be Christocentric
Hope you get me
Philip said...
you were very convincing, Theresa. But, now I've got it. The artwork is a deep intepretation of the prevailing theology of our age - you make it up as you go along and allow it to mean what you wish.
Teresa said...
Nope - totally wrong end of the stick Philip, you haven't 'got it' in the slightest - I'm no buffet Cathlolic or theologian. I just don't see the point of getting your knickers in a knot about a piece of artwork you don't like, but James enjoys getting his knickers in a knot. I firmly believe in many thelogical absolutes. And you spelt my name wrong.
Philip said...
I apologise for spelling your name incorrectly. More generally, I had not realised how precise one is suppose to be when commenting on a blog. I have no idea about your theological views and am delighted to hear that they are robust and thus I would not dream of commenting on your views. Surely you meant it is not worth "one getting one's knickers in a twist" - because I certainly have not been. Similarly I was referring to the prevailing trends and not to the views of any particular individual.
berenike said...
Could be paradise-in-the-sense-of-natural-happiness (i.e. Limbo) into Purgatory? Would make more sense in terms of one going into the other. Sort of.
I think I commented before that actually-I-quite-like-it - it works well in terms of colour and so on. But in context, it's a complete cop out. If it was part of a whole scheme - imagine the whole cathedral painted, http://www.kik.katowice.opoka.org.pl/sosnow1.jpg
though in this style but with saints and angels. And more blues and some shiny gold bits. The figures would be sort of El-Greco-esque, only with rounded edges insted of jaggy ones.
no?
Teresa said...
You see - you obviously know art and we don't. I would prefer a straightforward picture rather than something you need to interpret, but there you go - maybe it's a prayer aid? I still like the Bhs imagery though: "I saw 3 ships come sailing in on Christmas day on Christmas day....." Definitely a theme there, I get about as artistic as stick men - now THERE'S a thought!!! The Passion in stick man.....!!
Mark Dobson said...
Well, I was thinking of the harrowing of hell and Ps 139:8 if you wanted to know where I was coming from.
berenike said...
Perhaps Philip was using "you" as a colloquial form of "one"?
Fr John Abberton said...
Very good - and very amusign (and VERY true!). I remember it being built. I was on the edge of Middlesborough Diocese then (Goole) and have a good friend in your diocese. he thought it was wonderful, but I always had my doubts. Just shows how things date quickly now. Yes, it looks like some kind of dribble!