Catholic and Loving it!

One of the lessons I learned last time I was on the television is how difficult it is to get a reasoned argument across in a televised debate. These debates are not about making good arguments that stand up to rigorous inspection but rather about trying not to come across like some sort of nutter. Anyhow, given that I probably won't have time to say half the things I would like on TV, I figure I might as well write most of them here so that people can find them if they google me while watching (quite a lot of people did last time).

It all depends what you mean by Love?

The first thing most people think of when it comes to love is the strength of feeling. When you like someone, you like them. When you love someone, you really, really, really like them. That's what "love" has come to mean these days. In fact, if we look at what we expect from love we will see that this definition is rather lacking.

What if I told you that I had fallen in love with a stunningly beautiful girl, but that recently she was involved in an accident which left her disfigured and ugly. After the accident I just didn't love he anymore. I think you would be justified in saying that maybe I didn't really love the girl, I just loved her body. Or what if I told you I had fallen in love with a really rich girl but that now her money has ran out I just don't love her anymore. I think you would be justified in saying that maybe I didn't love the girl, I just loved her money.

It seems like a paradox. Any practical reason you can give for falling in love - be it beautiful eyes, kind personality, sense of humour or whatever. Any practical reason you can give for falling in love seems to undermine the love itself. We say that we love the person but really we just love something about the person, some attribute or characteristic. For love to have a reason at all seems utilitarian and wrong, as if we love the other person only for what they can do for us.

Real love means wanting the best for the other person no matter what. As Chesterton puts it: "Love means loving the unlovable" and as our Lord put it: "If you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?"

The Purpose of Marriage

We know then that eartly human love is in some way fundamentally flawed. We fall in love with a person for a reason, because we like their jokes or their personality or (let's be honest) their breasts. Yet at the same time we know that real love ought not to require a reason and at the very least, it ought to continue long after the reason has ceased to exist.

Marriage is an attempt to take our flawed human attempt at love, the one that thrives on good times, health, wealth, happiness and beauty. To take our flawed attempt at love and turn it in to that perfect, divine love that continues to love long after the reasons for loving have passed. In the well known marriage vows we promise to love "for better for worse" and "for richer for poorer" and "in sickness or in health". We make a promise to love that perfect love that loves no matter what.

Divine love is very hard to do, impossible in fact, which is why many marriages end in divorce. It is impossible to be perfect without the grace of God which is why in Christian marriage we like to get God involved from the beginning.

Real Love Means Sacrifice

When Christians talk about love and sacrifice, many people think it's a nice platitude but it's actually a very practical fact. Real love means wanting what is best for the other person, wanting what is best for the other person means always putting that person first above ourselves. That means denying ourselves for that person. If we love a person fully, that means denying ourselves fully which means giving up our life for that person.

This is the final goal of marriage: To give our life to the other person. This is why St Paul writes: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" St Paul does not use Christ merely as example of great love.. e.g Christ loves the Church a lot so Husbands should love their wives a lot. No, St Paul uses he example of the way Christ loves, by giving himself up.

Once a man has given himself to his wife, once he has vowed to love her and to put her first in all things, once he has denied his very life and given it to her. What has he left? It's really very simple: He has absolutely nothing left. His life is not his own, he has promised it to another.

So Should Catholic Priests be Allowed to Marry?

Bear in mind that actually, there are married priests. The rules about married clergy are just that, rules - they are not unquestionable infallible teachings of the Church. In fact, Priests from other rites are allowed to marry. The Church here in the latin rite could change her rules and allow priests to marry but I don't think she should.

My reasons is very simple: The priesthood is an entirely different kind of giving up of the self for God. How can a man give himself up to two different persons at the same time?

But it isn't in the Bible!

No, it isn't. Nowhere does it say "priests cannot be married". But also nowhere does it say "a man cannot marry two women at the same time".

Polygamy is not expressly forbidden in the scriptures, the Christian view that a man should only have one wife is a development based upon our understanding of marriage as the gift of oneself to another person, a gift that by it's very nature excludes the possibility of giving that gift to another.

In my view, priestly celibacy falls in the same area. As our understanding of what it means to enter in to marriage has developed, as our understanding of what it means to be a priest has developed, it has become more and more apparent that the two are not easily combined.

But what about the shortage of priests?

What about it? Men are not willing to dedicate their lives to God, so if we let them become priests without fully dedicating their lives to God then maybe they will?

Fixing a shortage of priests by allowing marriage has been tried by the Anglican Communion - it hasn't worked spectacularly well. Perhaps because whether priests can marry is not at the heart of the problem at all.

The crisis, if there is one, is one of spiritual deafness

But what about sex abuse?

There is simply no evidence whatsoever that priestly celibacy in any way "causes" sex abuse. There is however plenty of evidence that people from all kinds can end up sexual abusers - school teachers, police officers, step fathers etc. See here and here.

Incidentally, I take the problem of priestly abuse very seriously and have written more about it here.