How The Bishops Stole Christmas
Blogged by James Preece on 14th December 2010
Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Bishops,
Who lived just North of Pew-ville,
It could be that their heads were not screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that their shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that their hearts were two sizes too small.
"Tomorrow is Christmas!" they snarled with a snort.
"WE MUST find a way to keep Christmas short!!"
For soon they knew all the Catholics who’d lapsed,
Would come to the Church for their once a year Mass!
They would want to sing carols of shepherds and kings,
of Mary and Joseph and Jesus and things!
The Bishops don't seem to believe in such stuff,
they seem to prefer sociological fluff.
So we hear how Mary probably wasn’t a maid,
and Jesus just came to sell us Fair Trade.
The whole thing is stories, the star is a myth!
Three women would have brought more practical gifts...
"WE MUST keep Christmas short!
Then they got an idea!
An awful idea!
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"We know just what to do!" They Laughed with a whistle,
as they pulled out their 60’s vernacular missal.
We’ll take the last day of this whole twelve day season,
the day when we all go Mass for a reason.
We’ll take that last day and we’ll move it aside.
The previous Sunday is where it will hide.
The twelve days of Christmas? Best make that eight!
The Bishops were laughing, they thought it was great.
Then they did the same thing to some other big feasts,
Like Ascension and Corpus Christi - the beasts!
A happy ending is not yet in sight,
so pray for a Christmas miracle tonight.
To melt the hearts of these grumpy old men,
and ask can we please have our feasts back again?