How The Bishops Stole Christmas
Blogged by James Preece on 14th December 2010
Every Catholic
in Pew-ville
Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Bishops,
Who lived just North of Pew-ville,
Did NOT!
It could be that their heads were not screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that their shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that their hearts were two sizes too small.
"Tomorrow is Christmas!" they snarled with a snort.
"WE MUST find a way to keep Christmas short!!"
For soon they knew all the Catholics who’d lapsed,
Would come to the Church for their once a year Mass!
They would want to sing carols of shepherds and kings,
of Mary and Joseph and Jesus and things!
The Bishops don't seem to believe in such stuff,
they seem to prefer sociological fluff.
So we hear how Mary probably wasn’t a maid,
and Jesus just came to sell us Fair Trade.
The whole thing is stories, the star is a myth!
Three women would have brought more practical gifts...
"WE MUST keep Christmas short!
...But HOW?"
Then they got an idea!
An awful idea!
THE BISHOPS
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
(An Epiphany!)
"We know just what to do!" They Laughed with a whistle,
as they pulled out their 60’s vernacular missal.
We’ll take the last day of this whole twelve day season,
the day when we all go Mass for a reason.
We’ll take that last day and we’ll move it aside.
The previous Sunday is where it will hide.
The twelve days of Christmas? Best make that eight!
The Bishops were laughing, they thought it was great.
Then they did the same thing to some other big feasts,
Like Ascension and Corpus Christi - the beasts!
A happy ending is not yet in sight,
so pray for a Christmas miracle tonight.
To melt the hearts of these grumpy old men,
and ask can we please have our feasts back again?
Reader Comments
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pattif said...
Yes, it's deplorable that we lose a Sunday of singing Christmas carols, and, yes, it is outrageous that we lose the Epiphany as a Holy Day of Obligation, BUT THEY CAN'T SHORTEN CHRISTMAS! Christmastide lasts for another full week, until the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord (unless we want to go Forma Extraordinaria and keep Christmastide until Candlemas, as in the "bad old days"). So - forget about taking your tree down on Twelfth Night, forget the baloney about bad luck if you don't, just carry on celebrating the birth of Our Lord, and if their Lordships don't want to join in, we can always remind them that Cromwell didn't like Christmas much, either.
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Alan Houghton said...
'So we hear how Mary probably wasn’t a maid,
and Jesus just came to sell us Fair Trade.
The whole thing is stories, the star is a myth!
Three women would have brought more practical gifts...'
In case anyone accuses James of extemism here - I was a seminary student at Ushaw in the late 1990's and the content of the first semester of Biblical Studies tried to debunk the Infancy Narratives. By Christmas we had been bombarded with all the Modernist drivel and blasphemy which James alludes to here - and much more besides!
I took a chance and discussed the issue with a priest who was also an 'Academic Tutor'.
He responded as follows -
'In some African tribes the children are taught religious myths about various gods. When they come of age they are taken to the forest. The gods come out and scare them. Then the gods remove their masks and the young adults discover that the gods were not real all along. The gods were their parents and superiors.'
At this point he smiled at me and said 'Think aobut it.'
In my judgemental haste to assume that it was his head that was not screwed on right, I never did check whether it were not his shoes which had been tied on too tight!
May God bless that Lad James Preece and all his family. God bless 'em... one and all!
Alan
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pattif said...
No wonder Ushaw is doomed.
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Joseph Shaw said...
Yes, Pattiff, in the EF Christmas goes on until 2nd Feb, and the wreath on my front door (to the surprise of my neighbours) will stay in place until then.
Here in Oxford we're having a Sung Mass for Epiphany on Thursday 6th January, and another for Candlemas on 2nd February.
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pattif said...
My crib stays up until Candlemas. My friends think I'm nuts.
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Rosie said...
Thankyou James! We'll be going to Mass on the Epiphany, Thursay 6th January just like most of the Catholic world. We'll also be celebrating with an Epiphany party.
It's a shame the bishops don't have more of a sense of joy and fun.
Yes your Lordships - GIVE US BACK OUR FEASTS!!!
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pattif said...
That is a very important point, Rosie. It does sometimes seem that our bishops find their duties so onerous that they have forgotten that the faith should be a source (indeed, THE source) of joy -such a contrast to our dear Holy Father, whose enthusiasm for his priesthood and joy in his faith are transparent. I guess the question is, how can we persuade them that we have not experienced the abolition of the weekday Holy Days as liberation from a burden, but rather as the deprivation of a cause for celebration?
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Mike Carroll said...
Arrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! These Bishops make me so angry. I had spent the last month going through a period of reflection of trying to not attack the Bishops and give them a break. However, this news has tipped me over the edge YET AGAIN!
I love Epiphany. I prefer giving presents on this day than actually on Christmas Day. I also think that it is a brilliant way of separating the Secular Christmas gift nonsense from Epiphany, when we are really supposed to give presents. It is a witness that says that we are different from all those secular 'Winterval' gift giving people who have no concept of the true meaning of Christmas.
Arrrrgggggghhhhh(again)! when are these Bishops going to put an end to this 'Cromwellian' style Catholicism nonsense!!!!!
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