Warning: The following information may frighten and disturb the feint of heart. I am about to expose a vast global conspiracy to hide the truth and destroy the world, nay, the universe!

Oh sure, you say. Everybody knows about those. We've all heard of Opus Dei, the Illuminati, 9/11 and the New World Order, the Moon Landing Hoax, Area 51, not to mention the Bishops Conference of England and Wales. Relax. None of that stuff exists.

This is real.

The Proof?

Numerology tells all!

What I am about to tell you is Pure. Hard. Science. Numbers never lie because they are facts. Facts are always true. Numbers are always true.

The Biblical precedent is undeniable. Jesus tells us to forgive 7x7x7 times. In Revelation we hear about the 144000 and everybody has heard about 666. The number of the beast.

The message is clear. Numbers are your friends. Everybody heed the numbers.

So what do the numbers tell us about the Faith Movement?

Everybody knows how it works. A=1, B=2, C=3, D=4, etc, etc. We can calculate the numerological value of a thing like this:

FAITH MOVEMENT
(6+1+9+20+8) + (13+15+22+5+13+5+14+20) = 151

So what? So the Faith Movement = 151. What does it all mean?

SATANIC BUNNIES
(19+1+20+1+14+9+3) + (2+21+14+14+9+5+19) = 151

The Numbers have spoken! For those of you lacking mathematical skills let me explain:

FAITH MOVEMENT = SATANIC BUNNIES

This evidence is indisputable. Remember. Numbers are FACTS.

It gets worse.

As you know (or would, if you were as familiar as with the seedy underbelly of this movement as I am) one of the central tenets of the Satanic Bunnies (Faith Movement) is the Law of Control and Direction. What do the numbers say?

THE LAW OF CONTROL AND DIRECTION
(20+8+5) + (12+1+23) + (15+6) + (3+15+14+20+18+15+12) + (1+14+4) + (4+9+18+5+3+20+9+15+14) = 303

BUNNIES HERETICAL SYNTHESIS
(2+21+14+14+9+5+19) + (8+5+18+5+20+9+3+1+12) + (19+25+14+20+8+5+19+9+19) = 303

THE LAW OF CONTROL AND DIRECTION = BUNNIES HERETICAL SYNTHESIS

I felt my blood chill when I discovered this. It can be no coincidence. Numbers do not lie. The Law of Control and Direction is none other than the Satanic Bunnies Heretical Synthesis.

Synthesis? What's that got to do with anything? You just threw that word in so everything would add up!

Not so. Do not doubt the numbers. They know more than you think.

One of the main texts of the Heretical Bunnies (Faith Movement) is Catholicism: A New Synthesis by Edward Holloway.

What is this "New Synthesis"?

A NEW SYNTHESIS
(1) + (14+5+23) + (19+25+14+20+8+5+19+9+19) = 181

APOSTATE BUNNIES
(1+16+15+19+20+1+20+5) + (2+21+14+14+9+5+19) = 181

A NEW SYNTHESIS = APOSTATE BUNNIES

There is nothing more tragic in our world today than an Apostate Bunny. So cute. So lost. So tragic. Pray for them.

I think we can all agree the Satanic Bunnies must be stopped. The Heretical Synthesis cannot be tolerated. But where to begin? So many members of the Faith Movement are just poor lost Apostate Bunnies. Who is the mastermind behind the mischief?

A well known Faith priest perhaps?

TIM FINIGAN
(20+9+13) + (6+9+14+9+7+1+14) = 102

BUNNY GOD
(2+21+14+14+25) + (7+15+4) = 102

TIM FINIGAN = BUNNY GOD

Holy Hermeneutic Batman!

The Bunny God and his Apostate Bunnies will devour us all!