In a shock move this morning (not that it suprised me very much) the Catholic Bishops Conference announced that since they have a Bishop of the Forces they might as well have a Bishop of the Schools as well.

Like the Bishop of the Forces, the Rt Rev Stannard has a diocese with no geographical boundaries but is Bishop (and indeed Pope) of anywhere that happens to be a school.

Ed Balls is thrilled.

Because that's as much freedom of choice as you're going to get.

This is the Director of Catholic Education Services favourite quote in the world. It's Ed Balls (Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families) speaking in the Houses of Parliament...

The decision to make sex and relationship education statutory is, I think, supported by all political parties, but it is essential that it is taught in line with the ethos, including the faith, of the school. That is clear in the legislation: it is clear that parents as well as school governors will have a say in how the subject is taught, while there is also a parental opt-out, which will apply to pupils until they are 15. I can thus give the hon. Gentleman the complete assurance that the school will be in charge of how to teach SRE, but the fact of teaching it will be in law and guaranteed to all children.

[link]

So, how does he tally that up with this? Here's Ed Balls again...

If their faith has a view in scripture, they can inform pupils of that. What they must not do is teach discrimination. They must be absolutely clear about the importance of civil partnerships

[link]

Must is a pretty strong word. It sort of contradicts his earlier comments about "the school will be in charge".

Then there's another Ed Balls quote...

You can teach the promotion of marriage, you can teach that you shouldn't have sex outside of marriage, what you can't do is deny young people information about contraception outside of marriage."

[link]

Again... strong language... "What you can't do", sort of contradicts "parents as well as school governors will have a say".

Catholic Education Services quotation of the statement that "the school will be in charge of how to teach SRE" is misleading because it gives the impression that schools will be able to choose what to teach when they will not.

But then we look more closely at the first paragraph and we we discover that Mr Balls makes no assurances whatsoever about what may be taught. Only how.

Presumably parents, governors and schools will have the freedom to choose between a Powerpoint Presentation and a DVD?

"They must be absolutely clear about the importance of civil partnerships"

"what you can't do is deny young people information about contraception"

In short. Catholic Schools are going to have no choice about what to teach at all.

We are pleased...

Is there anything they wouldn't be pleased about?

You think I'm joking?

Here's an excerpt from the actual Catholic Education Services press release...

CESEW responds to proposals relating to Sex and Relationships Education and parental rights

Whilst disappointed that legal encumbrances mean that a blanket right of withdrawal can no longer apply, we are pleased that the Government has recognised that the right of withdrawal in formative years is most critical and is therefore providing for the ability of parents to opt-out of SRE up to the age of 15.

CESEW will continue to firmly uphold the position that parental rights remain vital, particularly but not exclusively, in those most formative and critical years up until the age of 15.

[link]

I wonder if Archbishop Nichols has anything to say on the matter?

Thought not.

Parents. Betrayed. Again.

I'm sure you are probably familiar by now with the All That I Am sex education resource which was been developed by the Birmingham Diocese Department of Religious Education in partnership with the governments Teenage Pregancy Unit. "All That I Am" provides "sex and relationship education that is authentic to the Church's teaching and acknowledges pupils' stage of physical and sexual development"

Yeah... Right.

Anyway, I thought you might be interested to know that the makers of "All That I Am" have begun work on a sequel... "All That I Am: Eucharist". This is a new programme designed for use in primary schools and parishes during children's preparation for the First Holy Communion. The programme includes of student worksheets, teachers handbook and DVD resources.

A spokesperson from the Archdiocese of Birmingham explains...

"All That I Am: Eucharist" builds on the experience and expertise we gained from the original "All That I Am" series. That series was primarily about sex education and as any Catholic knows, sex finds it ultimate meaning in Marriage. We thought - if this works for one Sacrament, why not do it with another? The Eucharist was the obvious choice..."

The main lesson we learned when making the "All That I Am" series is that you can't underestimate the importance of the biological when studying the sacraments, if you want to talk to kids today about truth and meaning in human sexuality then you can't do it unless they understand the inner workings of the body parts involved. For instance, the concept of chastity must be rooted in an understanding of the way the urethra links the bladder to the penis or else it makes no sense. We are grateful to the governments teenage pregnancy unit for their sound advice in this regard.

"All That I Am: Eucharist" simply takes the principles that worked so well with Marriage and applies them to the Eucharist.

Somebody sent me this copy of a worksheet she somehow got hold of from the new programme...

The diagram contains a technical error, with the liver marked as the rectum and the rectum marked as the liver but the Diocese of Birmingham assure me that this error will only be on worksheets published prior to 2004 and that books published after 2004 are not affected (except for those that are).

But while parents are up in arms over young children being exposed to terms like "anus" and "rectum", a spokesperson from the Archdiocese of Birmingham defended the worksheets saying...

Do you honestly think we could care less what Catholic parents think?

Throughout the writing of the script and teacher-support meterials the Department consulted with primary and secondary aged pupils. We found that when very young children are exposed to a diagram of the inner workings of the digestive system their appreciation of the Eucharist is improved. It makes sense... how can anybody be expected to kneel in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament if they don't have a full understanding of where Jesus goes when we eat him?

Besides which, if we don't expose young people to an anus before their tenth birthday, anything could happen! It is vital that we act now! It must be okay anyway, because we gave Archbishop Vincent Nichols a packet of chocolate digestives and he said they were great. You wouldn't disagree with an archbishop would you?

The programme has been funded by the Government Task Force on Binge Drinking and Jamie Oliver. The DVD resources include video clips which will teach children the dangers of alcohol consumption and the importance of eating the right things. "It fits in very well" another spokesperson said "Jamie comes on screen and explains that bread is good for you, which if you think about it, is authentic Catholic teaching". There are also sections on the dangers of STD's (Sustenance Transmitted Diseases).

Oona Stannard, director of CES (Catholic Education Services) welcomed the new programme saying it would fit in well with recent changes that the government is forcing on schools, saying "We support the principle of stuff being a requirement for every pupil".

The Archdiocese of Birmingham were tight lipped about the future of the "All That I Am", but off the record I spoke to an employee of the diocese who prefers to remain anonymous. She told me a little about where the project is likely to go next... "The government are very keen to teach young children about the new hate-speech laws. Pupils will learn about talking and will need to colour in a diagram of the vocal cords and the tongue, which if you think about it is central to an authentic Catholic understanding of the Sacrament of Confession".