I don't know how many of you saw the story of the ugly but safe Christmas tree in Poole...

When is a Christmas tree not a Christmas tree? When it is a giant cone covered in what appears to be green doormats.

Shoppers stared in bemusement at the mysterious object that landed in a shopping precinct in Poole, Dorset, this week. Some compared it to a giant traffic cone, a witch’s hat or a cheap special effect from an early episode of Doctor Who.

The 33ft structure turned out to be their Christmas tree, designed according to the principles of health and safety, circa 2009.

Thus it has no trunk so it won’t blow over, no branches to break off and land on someone’s head, no pine needles to poke a passer-by in the eye, no decorations for drunken teenagers to steal and no angel, presumably because it would need a dangerously long ladder to place it at the top.

[The Times]

Of course, the general public were not impressed. They said things like "I prefer a Christmas tree, not a big wizard’s hat or a lump of astroturf or something that belongs in the roadworks." and "It’s horrible. If you are going to have a fake tree then it ought to resemble a tree. You can get some really good fake trees but this is awful. It doesn’t feel Christmassy at all."

The council stood firm. The tree would definitely be staying and not moving saying: "People think you can just go into the woods, chop down a tree and put it up in the high street but if it blows over and kills someone then somebody is liable"

Fortunately, Vandalism to the rescue...

A Dorset town's much ridiculed fake Christmas tree has been replaced with a traditional conifer.

...

The Dolphin Shopping Centre donated the real tree which was put up on Tuesday morning.

Dorset police are studying town centre CCTV video to see who damaged the artificial tree.

Police said one or more individuals climbed the structure in Falkland Square and damaged its framework between 1700 GMT on 30 November and 0915 the following day. It was taken away for repairs.

[BBC]

A heartwarming tale of Christmas cheer or yet another sign of the rise of the barbarians and the impending fall of civilisation?

You decide...

Personally, I obviously don't condone mindless acts of vandalism but what about non-mindless acts? What about considered, positive (and inclusive of course) constructive acts of ugliness removal?

Maybe there is something to be learned from the thugs of Poole?

I'm just sayin...

If you like wierd and wonderful old stuff, then you might like The LION & the CARDINAL which is a blog consisting mainly of nice photos of beautiful and interesting things.

We really liked this scene from an early 13th century spanish manuscript...

We think it would work very well as a new reredos for Middlesbrough Catherdal...

Any chance of having it in before St Therese gets here?

Don't forget to look at my other alternative suggestions for Middlesbrough Cathedral reredos.

Ladies and Gentlemen... I present to you... Middlesbrough Cathedral:

Ignore the chairs. This is a photo from just before Bishop Drainey's ordination, he doesn't usually sit directly in front of the altar during mass.

No, I don't like the ugly cross either. Still - at least it's a cross and not once of those weird resurrection statue things where Christ appears to be sort of flying off the wall. Yes, I know that Pope Benedict has upgraded his ugly cross for a much nicer once but Bishop Drainey has been busy and I'm sure he's working on it.

Spot the Tabernacle? Me neither. That's because it's in it's own special chapel. It's the latest thing (if by 'latest thing' you mean 'it was hip in the seventies').

Anyway... what you will have spotted is the awful unspeakably ugly puke dribbling down the wall. Since Pope Benedict has recently got rid of his ugly alien altar. I thought it might be fun to speculate... if Bishop Drainey were to get rid of his ugly puke wall, what might he replace it with?

It shouldn't be too expensive to get a large format print of some decent art and paste it over the top. A Pantocrator might be good. How about this one from Cefalu...

It shouldn't offend anybody because it hasn't got any sort of crucifixion in it. Alternatively, you could go 'Last Judgement'. I like this one from the Duomo in Florence:

Lovely. I particularly like the way it has religion in it.

Of course, if money is a problem, they could always go for the St Joseph's, West Hull look (paint the wall white and stick a cross on it):

In all honesty though, anything would be better than what we have at the moment. Even a picture from the front of a department store in Hull...

That's right, there's more religious symbolism on BHS than on Middlesbrough Cathedral. I reckon you could have someone actually puke on the wall and it would be an improvement. At least then it would be sacred art... what with our our humanity being our divinity and all that.

Don't forget to enjoy my fruity comic strip on the origin of the Middlesbrough Reredos.

Looks like Fr Daniel O'Leary came to our very own Middlesbrough Cathedral this evening...

Fr Daniel O'Leary, Fr Daniel O'Leary... Where have I heard that name before... oh yes. Making Everybody Welcome conference. After he gave the keynote speech, a lady asked him when (not if) he foresaw women priests in the Catholic Church. "Women Priests" he said, "are not on the agenda.... Yet." Still, at least he was honest enough to admit there's an agenda.

The Tablet, thanks be to God, has the worst website in the world. All the 'best' articles are not available online (I'm gutted, I really am), we can't see much in the way of actual articles (you have to pay for them) but the blurbs are free... Fr O'Leary provides us with some wonderful quotes. Here's a couple...

"To be excessively scrupulous in trying to eliminate all sin is to miss the point of Christ's example and, as one priest finds, too much virtue can even hurt you"

[link]

too much virtue can even hurt you... ah yes. I distinctly remember Matthew 5:48... "You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect (but careful now, too much virtue can hurt you)."

"Parish priests of great experience understand church teaching. But fragile people need compassion rather than restrictions placed on God's unconditional love"

[link]

Ah yes, of course, "church teaching" equals "restrictions placed on God's unconditional love". I think I saw that in the Catechism once...

Well-known best-selling author O'Leary even features on YouTube where he bastardises the Church's teaching on the importance of family life. Like all the best lies, it has it's grain in truth. Home is a holy place, God is present in all we do. Fr O'Leary, thinks that the reality of Christ living the temple of our bodies and being present in our lives somehow makes our homes more holy than, say, our Churches.

In the first video things are not so bad... It's in the second video that he says this...

We sometimes think that doing the holy things, in the holy places, with the holy people is holier than cleaning up the mess at home, preparing meals, going out to work getting on with the neighbours.

This is not so.

The home is the holiest of all places.

The real presence of Christ in the Tabernacle perhaps comes in a close second?

Because the gap had become too wide between the ordinary things we do and the Church itself. The gap had become so wide, we hardly connected them really.

We did feel the holy things were to do with the parish and the weekend and the churches and the masses. Of course they're holy, but their not the holiest.

Mass. You know, Mass which people have been calling Holy Mass all these years. Well it's not the holiest. My house is holier than Mass...

But its not easy to say. It's nearly easier to dance it or to sing it than to say it.

WTF? How do you sing something you can't say?

Look. Here's something easy to say...

Humanity, our everyday lives and our families can only be considered holy in light of the incarnation. If Christ did not become human and die for us, then it's all bollocks.

God became man. Jesus, Son of God, became one of us. That is why our everyday human activities are holy. That is why we can point to actions like wiping a babies bottom and making the dinner (hopefully not at the same time) and say 'whatever you do for the least of these'. That is why the founder of Opus Dei was able to say "Sanctify your work. Sanctify yourself in your work. Sanctify others through your work."

But our work, our lives, our relationships and our wiping of bottoms can only be sanctified if we leave our homes and go to the holy place. To the Mass, which is not simply a community gathering, a prayer meeting or a shared meal. No. In the Mass we are taken, really, to Calvary itself. To the holiest of places, to the place where Christ himself offers his body as a sacrifice for the world and says 'Take this, all of you, and eat it...'

Our lives, our homes, our families, can only be holy if they are sanctified in the sacraments.

What is it about Middlesbrough Diocese and dissident people from Leeds? If it's not Neo-Pelagian Nuns it's Dissident Daniel.

Fr Daniel O'Leary is parish priest in Ripon. If St Wilfrid were still around, I expect he would be feeling ripped off. Still, he won't be the worst thing in our Cathedral tonight...

Look at him... At least there's no danger of anybody mistaking him for a priest.